It’s fair to say that this re-imagining of the classic TV series has divided opinion. Of course, it was never going to appeal to fans of the original or followers of ‘serious’ shows such as Mad Men or The Wire – although I personally find it harder to watch TV when my head is jammed up my backside (just kidding, The Wire fans).
Anyway, the new Hawaii Five-0 is an enjoyable, switch-your-brain-off piece of television that’s perfect for a Sunday night. After I’ve been lulled into a cuddly, near-comatose state by Starlings, I like to be forcibly awoken by guns, cars, endless shots of people surfing and, of course, that familiar theme tune (air drums, anyone?).
The second season has just finished with not one, but two cliffhangers so, whilst we await Season 3, here are a few things we’ve learned from McGarrett and co so far:
1. Steve McGarrett is a MAN
Former Navy SEAL and head of Five-0 Steve McGarrett (Alex O’Loughlin) is the ultimate alpha male. He can sprint up mountains, fly any type of plane, knows every military tactic in history, can take down a gang of criminals single-handed and does cage fighting just for fun after a hard week of keeping the streets of Honolulu scum-free. He can even wear cargo-pants without any trace of irony. He makes Chuck Norris look like a Care Bear. I bet he doesn’t even moisturise.
2. The writers have dad issues
McGarrett arrived back in Hawaii at the beginning of the show because his father had been murdered - setting in motion the major plot arc so far. His nemesis, Wo-Fat, is a master criminal seeking revenge for his own father’s murder. Somewhere in the middle between good and evil there’s a former Yakuza member who returns to his old ways when his father is kidnapped. Meanwhile, back in Five-0, Danny ‘Danno’ Williams (Scott Caan) spends half the time fretting about how to be a good father to his daughter, as well as trying to maintain his own quiff in the Hawaiian heat with dad-like care.
3. Hawaiian crime fighting task forces have an unlimited budget
The Five-0 HQ is massive considering the team consists of only four people. Everyone has their own spacious office and the centrepiece of the building is a large table/computer flat-screen hybrid that the team gather round in every episode. This is because it can identify criminals in seconds, monitor crime on any part of the island, connect to a mobile phone anywhere in the world whilst automatically bidding on a George Foreman grill on eBay (£19.99 plus shipping). Frankly, it makes ‘Minority Report’ look like game of Pong on a BBC computer.
4. There’s always time for ‘banter’
It doesn’t matter what’s happening in the episode – whether it’s murder, armed robbery, kidnapping or crimes against fashion – McGarrett and Danno always seem to have time to sit in a car and bicker like an old married couple. McGarrett will tease Danno about wearing a tie and his New-Jersey ways (but strangely never about his quiff). Danno will tease McGarrett about beating up everybody and blowing the shit out of everything. This all happens without a trace of homoeroticism because McGarrett is a MAN.
5. Don’t venture into the Hawaiian wilderness
Yes, it looks beautiful. Yes, you wouldn’t be doing the normal ‘touristy’ thing. Yes, you might be bonding with nature. But, bad things happen in those trees. Barely a couple of episodes go by without someone meeting a sticky end after a hike, camping trip or getting jiggy with it. Trust me: stay by the pool, have a cocktail, eat some shrimp. It’s safer.